Have the Patience to see Beyond..

On a recent flight back from Istanbul I boarded the plane, sat down in my window seat and a few moments later a man sat next to me. As I normally do I said hi however he did not reply or acknowledge me in any way, it was as if I wasn’t there. I then thought maybe he’s hearing impaired. So I went back to reading my magazine. 

The pilot then came on the tannoy and announced that there would be a delay of about 30 mins due to a technical fault that they were working on rectifying. My fellow passenger then sighed annoyance which made me think he could hear. 

So I tried to engage again. I said, “Hope it doesn’t cause problems for those on connecting flights” again it was as if I wasn’t there, he didn’t even look in my direction. I was baffled so went back to my magazine thinking oh well I tried. 

Then there was a bit a commotion as a couple of other passengers were struggling with finding space to put there hand luggage in the overheads. He then stood up and took control of the situation, moving stuff around and find space telling the passengers what to do. I could from the way he handled the situation he was a leader or used to organising. 

As he sat back down I tried again, “You sorted that out well.” Again he ignored me, not a flicker. I thought well I’ve heard you talk and engage with other passengers so it must be something about me then. However, I wasn’t going to let it ruin my flight so I put in my headphones and sat back with a bit of music. 

The plane eventually took off about 40mins late. We were about 30 or so minutes into the flight when they started serving snacks and taking orders for lunch. The cabin crew got to our seats and spoke to him about his choices and I overheard them say that there was a Christmas meal option. He then turned to me and said, “what do you think should we have the turkey?” It caught me off guard. I kind of fumbled a “yes that’s fine with me.’ The cabin crew then asked what drink we wanted. He asked for red wine and then asked if he could have a couple of bottles. He then again turned to me and asked what I wanted. 

By this time I’m thinking what is going on? I asked for some tonic water and lime. The crew gave me a can and some ice in a glass to which my fellow passenger said they should give me a couple of cans more. I took them and was now really confused but took advantage of the moment to start of conversation. “Business or pleasure? “ I asked. He turned to me and replied “Business” I smiled and thought yes I’ve cracked open a door. 

The conversation then started and it was amazing. Damien, his name, told me he designs record covers and that was fascinating. Then he told me that he was diagnosed with autism about two years ago of which he was relieved about because he always felt differently to others. It meant that he doesn’t recognise emotional cues which had cost him his marriage. He then gave an example. 

He told me when he got on this plane and they said there was going to be a takeoff delay it had created a panic within him and he shut down because he liked structure and order. This was not part of the plan so his mind went into an overwhelming overdrive. He went onto explain that when he’s in that space he has to find something that gives him some level of control and for him that was taking charge of the luggage confusion. That gave him space to calm himself down so that by the time they came around with the snacks he was beginning to become more aware of his surroundings. 

From then on the conversation just flowed and we both shared some very personal experiences and it was a richly authentic and honest exchange which cumulated in us exchanging numbers. 

When we landed we got of the plane and his demeanour changed again, it was if I had disappeared. But this time I understood and I smiled. I then saw him at the baggage claim point and I went up and attempted to speak but he was so focused on the luggage carousel that everything else was switched off. So I backed away giving him he’s space. 

A few moments later I felt a tap on my shoulder and there he was smiling brightly and he said his goodbyes promising to keep in touch and he walked off. We have kept in touch and exchanged Christmas cards and are arranging to meet up in the new year. It was an amazing moment that I’ll always cherish. 

Patience is powerful. I learnt a lot about myself from this experience. 

Thank you Damien for affirming for me that everyone has a story that can enlighten and surprise you and that’s awesome. We just have to be prepared to suspend our judgments and be ready to listen. 

The pic myself and Damien just before landing at Heathrow.